Saturday, June 28, 2008

Is it okay if I have a little rant?

Ya know what, we've been 'officially' in this process for two years now AND OUR FILE IS STILL IN AUSTRALIA! Lol! I don't know what I'll think or how I'll feel if we aren't batched and Dossier-To-China in July. I always thought (way back before the time-lines blew out and before Expressions of Interest for adopting reopened in Qld) that we would be travelling to China and receiving our baby in 2008.

Actually, the plan in my head went something like this:
2008 - adopt
2009 - bio baby
2011 - bio baby
2012 - adopt

I had it all worked out. I know, four kids in five years. I'm nutty like that, but let me live in my utopian world for a moment. Now the reality is probably something like this:

2013 - adopt
2014 - realise I'm probably too old for a bio baby. cry. raise an only child.

I'm being a drama queen. The wait is kinda getting to me, and we haven't even STARTED the real wait. I just want the security of being logged-in.

The Department has these insane rules, like you can't have a homegrown baby while you are in the adoption process because you need to show that you are 100% committed to the adoption, and apparently if you are pursuing pregnancy that means adoption really isn't what you want to do. No recognition there for people who choose to have a blended family and who ARE 100% committed to adoption AND having bio children (unless you have already finished having all your bio kids and are adopting to complete your family). It's one or the other. It stinks.

People go around the rules. They just don't tell the Dept they are having a baby and then at their two-year update go, 'surprise!'. I don't know if I could that. Aaron wouldn't do that (have you met the guy? he's the most rule-abiding, integrity dripping, straight down the line person God ever created).

So we sit here in limbo, wondering... waiting... aging LOL!

14 comments:

berto xxx said...

nice blog isnt it?


berto xxx

~*~Sandie~*~ said...

I feel for you, Emma. It's a ridiculous situation. And I remember that Aaron would not accept a pirated mandarin language CD from me so I I understand what you mean about straight down the line.

But is the "no other babies" rule a QLD rule, or a China rule?

Emma said...

hey Sandie
CCAA put out a statement on Oct 31st 2007 which stated that pregnancy and concurrent adoptions are fine, so long as there is "sufficient wait time" between the last addition and a referral, and so long as the prospective adoptive couple still continue to meet all adoption requirements as set forth by CCAA. They do require to be notified by your agency should this occur.
So it's pretty much Qld's issue.

~*~Sandie~*~ said...

Okay. Well QLD rules suck then.

How many couples are they waiting on before your batch is sent?

Emma said...

I'm going to attempt to find out this week. Last I heard it was still just the two couples (us and another) ready and waiting. I was advised that people are really busy and this mightn't be a priority for them right now (getting their dossier finalised so they can be batched). I wish I was kidding, but that's precisely what I was told last time I enquired!

D said...

I totally understand your frustration...it makes me wish they could realize how great of parents you would be so you could speed this thing up!

Hang in there, friend!

Sandra said...

Hi Emma! I haven't heard of this Oct. 31st 2007 statement. I would like to look into it - do you have a web link?

We do understand that if your dossier was logged pre-May 2007 rules, then you can have a baby while waiting because that rule was not initiated until May 2007.

Our adoption agency made it very clear to us that since we filed our dossier after the "new" May 2007 rules, we could not get pregnant.

If we do get pregnant & deliver the child before the adoption is complete, then we would have to re-file our dossier when the birthed baby turns one. Thus, having to re-do the entire paper chase since everything would have expired and having a new home study since there has been an addition since the previous study.

According to the CCAA May 2007 rules:
* If you have recently given birth to a child, or adopted domestically or from another country, you must wait until the child is 12 months old to submit your dossier to China.
* If you have recently adopted a child from China, you must wait until after you have submitted the 12 month post-placement report to submit your dossier to complete another adoption from China.

Again, I would love to present the October 2007 statement to our agency. Our wait is also currently stretching. They are now saying 18 months from LID, but I wouldn't be surprised if it goes to 24 months. We've also heard that non-expedited waiting is going to 5 years. It's already at 3+.

I'm not trying to be the bearer of any more negative news. I just wanted to share what we're hearing from within.

Even tonight, Hubs and I talked about how hard it is to wait - especially with my bio clock ticking away.

Emma said...

Sandra,
Here's the link to the statement on the CCAA webpage - I've used tinyurl to make the links shorter:


http://tinyurl.com/5lulhu

(original link: http://www.china-ccaa.org/site%5Cinfocontent%5CSWSY_20071031110135605.htm)


That's the chinese version, which is ok cos you can translate, otherwise a translation is here:

http://tinyurl.com/67wqlx
(original link:
http://chinaadopttalk.com/forum/index.php?topic=12023.msg189633#msg189633

Gem & James said...

Hi I think its a an aussie rule and wont matter what chinas rule is.
Interesting reading your post, we are in the same situation as far as a very very similar life plan, we decided to adopt our first, hope to also have bio babies. We are forunate as we have started this process as we are younger, but indeedy is concerning if waiting times push out too far with regards to my biological clock.

Leisa said...

I hate to rain on your rant...but you could be trying to adopt from Ethiopia!!...hang in there and come out to dinner with the girls.

Anonymous said...

oh emma. wouldnt it be great to see into the future and see how it all worked out so you would not have to worry? i am proud of you guys, think you have an awesome story of love and patience to tell your little girl when she arrives.

kerrylee

Anonymous said...

ps rant away!!!!!!

Sylvia said...

I feel your pain, my life plan was similar, I really want to adopt first, every thing I have read about birth order and adoption seem to reinforce this plan. In canada, our rule is that you can not even begin to apply until your youngest infant is 18 months old. And of course the min of 30 years also put a damper on my plans. So I have to wait 2 more years before I am 30 and can apply to adopt, and then 5+ years to receive my baby making me 35+ at the very earliest before bio baby trying. That sucks on so many levels, and I did all my planning so well in advance. I have to tell you that I recently made the hardest decision of my life, and that was to try to do the bio baby now, if I am lucky I can have an 18 month old baby by the time I am 30 and start for adoption at the exact same time. I really struggled with this choice, but in the end I thought that if I didn't act now and make this hard choice it could put my ultimate dream of having a blended family at complete risk. I really feel like my future child lives in china, and I don't want her to wait for me any longer then she needs to. In the end I guess that is how I saw it, so in a way I understand why you need to hold on to your spot in line, because your baby is waiting for you too and you are trying to get her in the fastest way you can. Hang in there and keep the rants coming. Blended Families are the best! Sylvia

On the Eastern Journey said...

Hi Emma. It's midnight and I couldn't get this post out of my mind. Isn't that funny?

I think The Wait is starting to get to me. We were told 12 months, but now we're on 15 and it's looking like 26+.

I'm feel horrible for complaining because I know that there are so many families who will have to wait even longer, but it's hard to watch things get slower and slower.

Anyway, I went and read the documents you linked below. In no way do these words approve another baby. In fact, they align with CCAA's May 2007 rules requiring a sufficient wait time of 1 year between each child plus a new home study since the home environment would have changed.

I suppose the big question is: If we had a baby, waited a year and refiled our home study, would we lose our spot in line? From the wording, I'd say Yes.