Adoption buddies

One of the special things about the adoption process is the new friendships and relationships that can be made.

We recently had the pleaure of meeting Leisa and her hubby Brad, at an IAFQ waiting parents dinner. Leisa and I have been reading each other's blogs for a while, and she is even more lovely in person. I'm excited to follow her family's journey adopting from Ethiopia, as they become an 'Aussieopian Family'.

We also spent some time on the weekend hanging out at Scott and Sandie's place. These guys are cool. Funnily enough, we first met online and then ended up being invited to the same Education session with the Dept last December... when we got there, we discovered we lived only a few streets apart.

I believe in the importance of connecting with others and walking this path together, so I'm glad to get to know these girls!

Halting new dossiers

The latest unsubstantiated rumour (that would be rumor to my American friends) is that China may be considering stopping accepting new files for perhaps 3 years (yup, I read it at RQ). This wouldn't affect anyone who is already logged in and allocations would continue as normal for those people. The response so far seems to be that people think this is a great idea and necessary to allow a catch-up. I might think that if we were already logged in, too.

We are paperchasing and trying to meet all of our local requirements as well as the CCAA's requirements. The only thing slowing us down is my age - I turn 30 in eight months time (January 2008). We've been waiting eagerly since our early 20s to turn 30 so we could adopt from China. Aaron's 32 this year, so no probs now with his age.

If the CCAA stopped accepting new dossiers before I turn 30, that may change our plans a little in terms of birth order of our future children. Then there's always that fear that if we did have a bio child first, could the CCAA introduce a rule that only childless couples could adopt?

In the meantime we'll just keep plodding away at the process. Aaron finished his family profile a few weeks ago (wahoo!), so we're ready to submit our next huge lot of paperwork. We're grateful that our state government has allowed us to do all the preparations and have our file ready to go as soon as I hit 30, rather than having to turn 30 first and then begin the paperchase.

If anything did happen with halting new dossiers, then that's out of our hands. At this stage it's a rumour only (and the rumour being that the CCAA may be considering it, not that they will do it), but certainly one that we'll be following with interest!

The Name Game - Part Two

Naming a baby can be a complex craft. Naming a child who has been adopted from another culture can be even more complex.

The topic of naming adopted children is raised every few months on various discussion boards, with many schools of thought around this... particularly with regard to China adoptions, where abandoned babies are often named by the orphanage director.

Some people believe that the name is the only thing a child brings with them from their birth culture, so it must be preserved.

Some believe that because the name is given by the orphanage director, often as a required task and not as an act of love or genuine consideration, that it does not hold great meaning or significance, so it shouldn't be kept.

Some believe the child should be given a new Chinese name, picked by the adoptive parents.

Some believe that if a child looks Asian, their name should reflect that.

Some believe that their child is beginning a new life, so they should have a new name.

Some believe that their child is now [insert nationality] and therefore should have a name that reflects that nationality (eg. American, Australian).

Some say that with the identity issues an adopted child goes through, they usually want to fit in with their peers, who have 'regular' names.

Some say that it depends on the age of the child at the time of adoption and whether or not they know their name yet.

It seems (not based on any statistical research, just my own observations) that most children adopted from China are given their first name by the adoptive parents and keep part of their Chinese name as their middle name. Some suggest that this gives the child the option for which name they may choose to use later in life.

There are worthy arguments and reasons for all the above thoughts. I don't think there are any easy answers. I don't even know yet what I believe most or what we will choose to do when it comes to naming our baby. It's an area I'm trying to learn more about.

There's an extremely thought provoking post over at Twice the Rice called Naming, Renaming and Reclaiming. She talks about growing up as a Korean adoptee in America with a name that is obviously not Asian. I'd like to read more from adult adoptees about this topic, reflecting on their own thoughts and experiences. Sure got me pondering...

Chinese Super Ball for Kids!

I found this video on YouTube. It was filmed at Green Lake in Kunming, China. We walked to this lake plenty of times because it was close to where we lived - but I never saw these! I wanna have a go!!

Celebrity influence?

The Sydney Daily Herald has an article suggesting that it may be Angelina Jolie's influence that more Australians are adopting from overseas. I wonder how shallow they think adoptive parents are. "Wow, celebrities are doing it, let's do it too! Yeah!"

Speaking of Angelina, looks like she's lining up for adoption number 4 - a baby girl from Chad. Woah!

The Name Game

My friend at work is about to go on maternity leave; she'll be giving birth to her first child in the coming weeks. She's not letting anyone in on the name game, which is quite funny because I remember saying to her about a year ago that I didn't understand the concept of withholding baby names.

I know that if you tell people the names you're thinking of in the lead-up to the birth (or in our case, referral/adoption) that they'll likely tell you straight out what they think, but if you just surprise everyone after the birth they generally wont tell you if they don't like it. Not sure why, maybe people think that they can save a baby from a sucky name before they are born, but afterwards it's just too late. Maybe parents have a fear of being offended if they tell a name and get a not-so-pleasant response. Maybe they just want to keep it personal, because it's so exciting and special. Anyway, I truly do respect the right of parents to not tell before the birth/referral, even if I don't fully understand it.

We are waaayy off a referral, as we're still paper chasing and checking boxes for the next ten months or so before our file can even go to China to begin the wait, so we haven't seriously discussed names... however cruising baby name sites is a bit of a hobby for me. I've spent plenty of time over at the Baby Name Wizard checking the popularity of names throughout history. I recently came across a discussion forum called Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing, which is a bunch of name purists strongly opposed to any 'tryndee' names that 'mummeighs' give kids. Heh.

Anyway, at the abovementioned forum I came across a link to this post about what not to name your child, from a fellow Aussie blogger called redcap. She cruises the birth announcements in newspapers for what she considers inappropriate names. Anyway, I did think twice about whether to share this link, as some people could be offended if their chosen baby name is pooh-poohed, but hopefully you're all big enough to handle it and can appreciate her wit. I like a couple of the names she deems inapproriate, but for the most part it should be compulsory reading for all expectant parents. I'm sure my teacher friends would have a few to add to the list!

Cities

I've been away for work for a few days in Melbourne. It is such a beautiful city, I'm totally in love with it. Of course, I checked out Chinatown. I had dinner at a place called Post Mao Cafe. The master chef is 93 years old and used to cook for Chairman Mao. Hrm. Not sure how true that claim is, or why he'd still be working at 93, but I'm pleased to report that there were no false teeth or stray grey hairs in my meal.

At the airport before I left, I bought a book to read on the plane about an Aussie journalist who spent a year in Beijing. Wow, that's another city that blows my mind and I look forward to going someday. It's too late now, but I would like to have visited it before all the preparations for the Olympic Games began. The only city we have experienced in China is Kunming (Yunnan province) - and it's considered to be 'out in the countryside' by most Chinese, so I'm pretty sure life there is drastically different to Beijing.

What about you? What city do you love - and why? What city would you really like to visit?

the rainbow family

Congratulations Angelina Jolie on your precious new son! I hope the world leaves you alone for a while so he can get to know his new family.

All in this together

Generally speaking, there are three kinds of adoptive parents: those who cannot have biological children, for whatever reason; those who already have biological children; and singles who aren't waiting around for a partner to become a parent.

None of these is better or worse than the other. There is no heirarchy of eligibility, and none of these are more 'deserving' of children than the other. We all arrive at adoption from different pathways. How we get here is important, but also kind of irrelevant. We all need to support each other, regardless of the reasons for arriving at adoption.

Having said that, it is also important to connect with others that have journeyed a similar pathway. There's something special about the 'understanding' that can only come through shared experience. You can say, "I know how you're feeling / I know what you're going through", because you really do.

The value of this connection has been heightened for me this week, after reading multiple email posts to our local support group discussion list. There's a stronger link and greater empathy when you have walked a similar path to someone.

This is where we feel out of place. We don't have that connection with others like us. Is there anyone out there? A couple who don't know if you can have bio kids cos you've never tried to become pregnant? The truth is, people don't understand us. They simply can't. It is so beyond the realm of what is normal for so many people we come across. This is clear whenever someone finds out we're hoping to adopt. "oh, can't you have kids?" "don't know, we're choosing to adopt" *blank stare* *blank stare back*

We cherish relationships with all adoptive and prospective adoptive families and know that in the end the pathway is just a detail, yet we would still love to connect with others like us. Anyone?

China Photos

Like lots of bloggers, I use Bloglines. As well as subscribing to the blogs I like to read, i also subscribe to any photos uploaded to Flickr that have been tagged 'China'. There are so many beautiful photos to look at each day. Today I came across a set of 93 photos called 'CHINA in Red and Black' by kurtvansteelant. Just lovely, check it out!