Meeting Xinran

Last month it was a delight to meet Xinran. I have all her books and have been a fan for years. Her latest book, Messages from an Unknown Chinese Mother is a fascinating read. In it she documents stories from a range of Chinese birth mothers. The book is insightful and heart-wrenching. It is a must-read for the Chinese adoption community.


I took the opportunity to have Xinran sign a couple of her books.

Love Our Way

Today I read Love Our Way, a recent Australian book outlining the story of a large adoptive family who learned that their youngest two children from India were not willingly relinquished for adoption, rather stolen from their mother and sold.

Ugh. I can't even begin to fathom the birth mother's anguish and pain... nor the emotions of anyone else involved in the saga. As I read the story I couldn't help but be relieved that these children were adopted into this particular family, where the parents were bold enough to confront the issue and wise enough to take the steps they did. In a strange series of events it seems that the birth mother's life has been saved through the reunion and she has a hope and a future.

We need stories like this to be told. There is/has been corruption in international adoption in a number of countries, and unless people are aware then there can be little done towards ensuring ethical practices are employed globally. I am pro-adoption, but as I have said before on this blog, I believe international adoption should be a last resort, and then only for children whose only other option is to be raised in an institution without a permanent loving family. I've read too many stories from adult adoptees to believe that transnational adoption is always the fairytale ending it's often made out to be.

Julia Rollings, the author of Love Our Way, has a blog - Towards a New Ending. It was nice to finish the book and then read the following installments and see current pictures in her blog. I was excited to learn also that the television show Foreign Correspondent will be sharing some of this story when it recommences screening in February.

If you're interested in buying the book, I picked mine up at an airport Newslink store. You can also use the link above.

Aussie adoption books

I bought some new books last night, specifically relating to intercountry adoption within Australia. Kudos to Borders who have significantly expanded their range of adoption books over the past year.

Adopting Overseas (2007), subtitled as A Guide to Adopting from Australia, Plus Personal Stories that will Inspire You. It discusses the history of adoption in Australia, and relevant processes, facts and statistics as well as advice on managing a range of issues. I want to share a great passage from it that had me in tears (though that doesn't take much really), but have to see if the publishers will give permission first.
Adopting Parents' Stories (2007) which is a compilation of stories from adoptive parents and families in Australia. I haven't started this one yet, but I like the way its organised into different chapters, eg. Dreams, Loss & Grief, Hope, Conflict, Journey, Challenge - and that it is real stories and recent stories.

Unfortunately Amazon doesn't stock either of them, but both can purchased direct from the publishers (which I've linked to if you click each title).

Daughter from Afar

This week I read Daughter from Afar. The great part of this book is that the author doesn't paint their adoption journey as a great rosy adventure - she is honest and shares the struggles, especially during the first few months after returning home with their baby. Three hours of sleep a night... night terrors... adjustment issues.

There is an FAQ section at the end of the book, with excellent anwers to questions like, 'Do you think you'll have children of "your own"?' and 'Dont you ever wonder about her "real" parents?' It reinforced to me the importance of modelling to others (and correcting when required) the most appropriate language to use, especially in front of the child.

The Lost Daughters of China

I've just finished reading The Lost Daughters of China. It was an insightful read. My perceptions on some things has been altered.

It seems that some of the issues relating to the status of women in China can be traced back to Confucius. He laid down a family system strongly built on male lineage, where women weren't even included in family trees. I always thought Confucius said some really wise things... now I realise that when it comes to women he also said some pretty dumb things too.

What surprised me more was that the person who made attempts to turn this around was Chairman Mao (although now that I think about it, it probably makes sense in terms of Communist beliefs). The Communists encouraged women to 'join the ranks of human beings'. Mao is quoted as saying, "Women hold up half the sky". Things like prostitution, child marriage, the taking of concubines and the selling of brides were outlawed. Peasant girls were allowed to go to school and wives had newfound rights. Mao promoted that men and women were equal.

Unfortunately, those reforms were somewhat shortlived.

I know that this is a book that much of the Chinese adoption community has read and promotes, and I can understand why. It explores the portrayal of Chinese women throughout history and how this has been represented, for example, in poetry (some of which I can't even bring myself to repeat because it revolts and disturbs me so).

I'm glad with all my heart that things are on the up and that the perception of girls and women in China is becoming more positive.