Checking Boxes

The post I didn't want to write

2010-10-11T11:35:00.001+10:00

We had our court hearing, and ultimately while the news is not positive, there were some good elements.

The tribunal is not able to rule against legislation, and so the decision to remove our names from the register and our file from China remains. It sucks. I don't know what else to say.

I mentioned there were some good elements. The tribunal was awesome. They believe we had a very strong case and said we are a very impressive couple whose passion and commitment were evident, however they are bound by law. They said if there was any way at all they could change the decision that the Dept had made that they would. They were incredibly empathetic towards us, and justifiably interrogative of the Dept. They drilled the Dept. on a number of issues trying to see if there was any way around this at all; sadly there wasn't/isn't.

All along the Dept kept saying, 'Don't worry, when your son turns 1 you can start the process again!' (like it was no big deal to just lose the past four years spent in the process). Now they have advised us that even if we reapply when he turns one (in eight weeks time), they are unlikely to progress our application at all in this financial year as they already have enough couples to deal with. They have also said that they wouldn't accept us for China BECAUSE THE WAIT IS TOO LONG so they are directing couples to other countries. Can anyone else see the irony in this? Sometimes I wish Queensland had private adoption agencies instead of an apparently anti-adoption government department managing these things.

The recommendation for us is to finish having any biological children and then when the youngest of those turns one year of age to apply again, and hopefully by that time they will be accepting couples for China again and able to move us through the process.

And that is that.

Devastated.

Heartbroken.

Frustrated.

Annoyed.

But trusting. Trusting that everything will work out eventually. We will have our blended family. It will not be in the time frame we hoped or planned for, and we have a thousand more boxes to check and hoops to jump, but we will not give up.

Thank you for sharing our journey.

In case you were wondering...

2010-08-25T20:07:00.005+10:00

Ah, my lovely blog. So neglected... but for good reason.

Where do I start? For those who know me in person or on FB, this will come as no surprise. For those who have been following our blog for a few years, I have some news.

Early 2009 we looked at the wait times from China and concluded that we were many, many years away from a referral. Some website calculators using referral data predict our referral to be another ten years away. You may be aware that it has always been our intention to have a blended family of biological and adopted children. You know where this is headed right?

We made a decision to pursue pregnancy.

Our beautiful boy was born in December. He is now 8 and a half months old.

In February this year, when our son was two months old, new legislation came into effect in Australia. I guess they figured things weren't difficult enough already for Australian couples trying to adopt. Basically, if you have a child under 12 months of age in your care, you are deemed ineligible and your names must be removed from the register of 'suitable adoptive parents'. Once your child turns a year old, you can recommence the adoption process FROM THE BEGINNING. Yep, there is no allowance for putting a file on hold, you are pulled out completely and required to go through the process again, even though the period of ineligibility is temporary.

This seems ludicrous to us and defies logic. We have been told that it is because we need to be prepared to accept the allocation of a child at any given moment, and if we already have a baby we are not in a position to do so. Of course, the facts don't matter - it is irrelevant that China refers on a chronological basis and that we are never going to get an out-of-the-blue surprise phone call one day. This legislation is generic and covers all adoptions in Australia, including local adoptions and those from all participating countries. There is no allowance for individual country programs (eg. those with exorbitant wait times) or family circumstances.

Anyway, long (loooooong) story short, our file has not been pulled from China. We are in the process of pursuing administrative tribunal as we fight to stay logged-in. We are also working towards having the legislation amended, so we'll see what success we have with that.

So that's our news... hopefully it was worth waiting for!

Here's a pic of our joy:

Dodgy website

2010-03-30T08:53:00.003+10:00

Grrr! I am saddened and angered to learn of a new website and adoption service - Adoption Australia. What a con. For $214 they can provide you with information that is otherwise freely available. They are preying on unsuspecting and vulnerable couples who are new to the process and probably not yet aware that the same information can be found at the Attorney General's website or obtained from their state authority. Likewise, support and advice is available from each state's support group (such as IAFQ in Qld). I hope they don't suck too many people in.

Meeting Xinran

2010-03-27T21:14:00.005+10:00

Last month it was a delight to meet Xinran. I have all her books and have been a fan for years. Her latest book, Messages from an Unknown Chinese Mother is a fascinating read. In it she documents stories from a range of Chinese birth mothers. The book is insightful and heart-wrenching. It is a must-read for the Chinese adoption community.

I took the opportunity to have Xinran sign a couple of her books.

Sad state of adoption in Australia

2010-02-26T11:22:00.003+10:00

Australians have the option of adopting internationally from 14 different countries. As I mentioned late last year, the Ethiopia program is currently suspended pending investigation and a decision by the Attorney General. Other programs are now dropping like flies. Philippines have placed a moratorium on adoption of children 24 months and younger. The Fiji program is on hold until a bilateral agreement can be reached.

Some countries have placed small quotas on the number of files it will accept from Australia this year (for example, Lithuania will only accept TWO files from each central authority for adoption of children under age 6), and other countries have obscene waiting times (for example, China is nearly up to four years from the time they receive your file, and all indicators suggest it is going to get much worse before it gets better.)

Local adoption is so scarce it is almost non-existent.

None of this is great news for those hoping to build their family through adoption.

Adopting a hard line

2010-02-10T11:19:00.001+10:00

*sigh*
Article in today's The Australian newspaper reflecting the sad state of Australian inter-country adoption.
Adopting a Hard Line on Parents

Deborra-Lee Furness discusses Australia's 'Adoption Crisis' on Sunrise

2009-11-21T13:24:00.001+10:00

Interim suspension of Aus/Ethiopia program

2009-11-18T16:44:00.002+10:00

I am numb. This news is so heartbreaking for my many friends currently in the Ethiopia program. The 'unknownness' of the future of the program is the hardest part. I've shed a lot of tears today. Hoping and praying that after the review there is a positive outcome for the program's viability. I've bolded the paragraph of most interest...

http://www.ag.gov.au/www/agd/agd.nsf/Page/Intercountry_AdoptionWhats_New#Interim

The Attorney-General, the Hon Robert McClelland MP, has decided that the Ethiopia–Australia program should be suspended because of concerns that Australia can no longer conduct intercountry adoptions in Ethiopia in a manner consistent with its obligations under the Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co-operation in respect of Intercountry Adoption.

Australia is committed to ensuring that all our intercountry adoption programs comply with the principles of the Hague Convention. This is the case whether or not the partner country is a signatory to the Convention.

Adoptive families should note that the Attorney-General’s Department is not aware of any allegations of child trafficking in the Ethiopia–Australia program. There is no suggestion of illegal practices in relation to any adoptions previously finalised between Ethiopia and Australia.

The program will be suspended pending the finalisation of a formal review which is expected to be completed by the end of 2009. The review will assess the viability of the program and its compliance with the principles of the Hague Convention. A decision about the future of the program will then be made.

Activity during the interim suspension will be restricted to those children already referred to the Australia program. This will ensure that no children will be disadvantaged by the arrangements. The following cases will be progressed:

* cases where prospective adoptive parents have already been allocated a child from Ethiopia, and
* cases where a child has already been referred to the program and the child can be matched with a family approved to adopt from Ethiopia. Children who have already been referred to the program will be matched in the usual way with the most appropriate adoptive family in accordance with the Matching Guidelines. In these cases, it is likely to be a number of months before applicants are advised whether they are allocated such a child.

No new children will be accepted by the program during the suspension. Applicant files currently waiting in Ethiopia to be allocated will remain there until a decision about the future of the program is made.

A key reason for the suspension is a new requirement of the Ethiopian Government that the program enter into a formal agreement to provide community development assistance. The Australian program has previously been exempt from the requirement to provide financial/material assistance because of its unique Government-to-Government arrangement. We have recently been advised that this exemption can no longer continue. The review is considering whether implementation of the new arrangements is consistent with Australia’s obligations under the Hague Convention.

The Attorney-General considers it is not possible for the program to continue accepting new referrals of children into the program until a full review of the program is completed.

Australia values its bilateral relationship with Ethiopia and looks forward to working closely with the Ethiopian Government during the review to ensure that the best interests of children are met.

We understand that many families who are waiting to adopt a child from Ethiopia will be distressed by the decision to suspend the program. However, it is important that we have confidence that children are in need of an overseas family and that no improper financial gains arise from the process.

Further information and updates about the program will be made available in due course.

Fly Away Children

2009-09-16T07:35:00.006+10:00

I watched the report 'Ethiopia - Fly Away Children' last night on Foreign Correspondent. Again, it raised critical issues around child harvesting and trafficking for international adoption. I encourage you to take half an hour out to watch it (the video is online as well as the story).

I am disgusted at the footage of the worker from adoption agency Christian World Adoption going into villages and asking parents who among them might like to hand their children over to live in America.

I struggle with removing children from a country when they have a known parent there. There is a difference between relinquishment due to poverty and abandonment. The problem is, some agencies feed lies to adoptive parents, who truly believe they are adopting an orphan.

These are tough issues for many prospective adoptive parents to deal with, but they must be addressed. We cannot pretend these issues do not exist. We need ethics in all areas of adoption, and as horrible as the program was to watch last night, I commend the ABC for broadcasting it and raising awareness.

ONE YEAR LOGGED IN!

2009-09-08T06:17:00.000+10:00

It's our first year LIDverasry today. Let's look how far we've come in the past year.

When we were logged in, there were 948 days worth of log-ins in front of us.

There are now 899 days.

That makes it a grand total of 49 days referred in the past twelve months.

The most recent referrals were logged in for over 41 months.

Working on an average of 3.1 days of referrals a month, we are due to receive our baby some time in January 2019. (See the calculations)

Ha!

Even if things speed up 10x (what are the chances?) and CCAA starts referring month for month, it will still be 30 months more of waiting, or February 2012 before our referral.

I'm still optimistic that things will speed up after we get through the May 2007 files (when the rules changed). When people ask I tell them we expect it to be another three or four years wait. Surely it won't be ten.

So very young

2009-08-31T20:34:00.003+10:00

The latest referrals to come to Australia included two very young babies; one born April 2 and one born April 17 - THIS YEAR! That makes them less than five months old each. This is the youngest age of referral I have heard of.

I actually thought Chinese orphanages had to advertise the finding ad for each child for six months, but I've gone back and checked some facts and it is actually only 60 days. If no-one comes forward within that time to claim the abandoned infant, then the orphanage can pursue the adoption route with that child.

It's difficult for waiting families to know what to prepare for. Recent referrals have included toddler girls, toddler boys, lots of infant boys, and now extremely young infant girls! Once upon a time, most referrals were infant girls, age approx 8-14 months age. Now it seems there is no pattern.

Congratulations to all the families who received the glorious news of a referral this month.

International Adoption Day 2009

2009-07-26T17:53:00.004+10:00

Today was IAFQ's annual International Adoption Day. Did you see it on Channel 9 news? Hurrah for positive press! I don't know the final figures yet, but I think there were about 900 or 1000 attendees. See pics and read about the 2007 one and 2008 one if you like.

I spent much of the day on the IAFQ table, providing info to members and prospective members, selling t-shirts, loaning library books to members and so on. I managed to take off for an hour in the afternoon to sit in on a film festival by adult adoptees. They shared a series of short films dealing with adoption issues, and I was so impressed. I'm relieved that our children will have a strong community of other adoptees to journey with and learn from. I'm also grateful that as prospective adoptive parents we can learn from the mouths of adoptees as they share their experiences.

One thing took me by surprise and I've been thinking about it since. Some teen and adult adoptees sat on a panel to answer questions, and when one of the panel members was answering a question she said she would definitely adopt if she couldn't have kids. Why is adoption only seen as an option when all other means to create a family have been exhausted? When will adoption be seen as a legitimate way to build a family regardless of reproductive ability? I wonder how the general public will begin to change their perception on this issue when people within the adoption community still haven't.

I'm still here!

2009-05-24T10:00:00.002+10:00

I missed posting about our 7th and 8th month LIDversaries. Life has been busy and fun and hectic. I am now Vice President of IAFQ and enjoying that very much. We are starting up coffee afternoons for parents-in-waiting. Apart from that, when it comes to the adoption all we can say is 'still waiting!'. Things have stalled a bit in China due to the swine flu, like they needed any assistance slowing down!

More to come...

6 months logged in (and a droopy eye)

2009-03-08T08:02:00.000+10:00

It's the eighth of the month, which means we are celebrating six months logged in! I feel that the time is flying by. Not sure I'll still be saying that over the years to come when we are still waiting!

Today is also International Womens' Day, celebrating the economic, social and political achievements of women past, present and future. IWD is a holiday in China.

I'm celebrating both by going to the doctor. My eye was pink and sore yesterday, and I woke up today and things are worse. It's all puffy and swollen, and my eye-lid is droopy. It's super-attractive. Hopefully it can be treated quickly as I have a lot I need to achieve this coming week.

All images licensed under Creative Commons. 1. keyboard 6, 2. Six is a Crowd, 3. 6

Batch 9 Referrals

2009-03-07T19:57:00.003+10:00

OHMYGOODNESS! Qld Batch #9 have received their referrals!

T and P were referred a BOY! See his gorgeous face at China Moon.

After a long, dry spell of no referrals for Queensland, this is joyous news worth celebrating! Can't wait to hear about others in the batch.

Stolen and Sold

2009-03-02T17:54:00.001+10:00

Imagine finding out your adopted child had been stolen and sold to an orphanage, and was not willingly relinquished by his/her birthparents.

I recently blogged about Love Our Way, the story of an Australian family who found themselves in this heartbreaking situation. The situation is devastating, but thankfully the outcome for this family and the birthmother has been positive.

Last week, ABC's Foreign Correspondent program ran a documentary about this family's story. Please take the time to watch it (27 mins). We need these issues to be exposed. We need increased awareness. We cannot afford to be naïve when it comes to adoption ethics.

China has had its fair share of child trafficking issues. If you've been around China adoption for a while, you'll remember the Hunan scandal in 2005. It's a conundrum; many orphanages pay a 'finders fee' when abandoned children are handed over. This encourages trafficking and kidnapping. In a developing nation where child abandonment is not uncommon, without an incentive program such as finders fees there is little hope for genuinely abandoned babies.

5 months logged in, pending referrals and another hat to wear

2009-02-12T07:00:00.006+10:00

Eek! I missed our five month LIDversary on Sunday, but that's okay - we were out with our China adoption support group for a belated CNY lunch, so we celebrated in style!

Queensland is *this close* to referrals for new babies from China. We had NONE in 2008, so everyone in the support group and China adoption community here is hanging out for good news. I know some of the couples in the batch about to be referred, and it was so disappointing last month that they missed out by one measly log-in day. At least we know they will definitely be next.

In other news, the President of our state support group IAFQ (International Adoptive Families of Qld) contacted me last night. He is going to nominate me as Vice President at the AGM next week. OMG what have I got myself in for. I am already over-committed and time-poor. I will need to work hard at doing justice to the position.

Oh, one more thing - OziMum is in China (finally!)

Happy Australia Day! Happy Chinese New Year!

2009-01-26T10:08:00.003+10:00

Australia Day and Chinese New Year day fall on the same day this year. Funny thing, that lunar calendar.

I'm being completely un-Australian and doing some work today; I have to apply for my own job, as it was a tap-on-the-shoulder thing and policy requires that you can only act in a position like that for a certain period of time in Government, and then the job has to be advertised and appointed properly. Or something. All I know is I have some serious selection criteria to respond to.

So, it's no BBQ for me, no Triple J Hottest 100, no beach cricket. Just a computer, a headache and a whole lot of corporate jargon.

We headed into Brisbane's Chinatown to celebrate CNY on Friday night. Aaron and I are both in green and on the left in the first pic, and that's me trying not to get mowed down by a lion dance in the second pic.

4 months logged in

2009-01-08T22:02:00.001+10:00

It's the eighth of the month, which means we are celebrating four months logged in!

Love Our Way

2008-12-30T23:43:00.005+10:00

Today I read Love Our Way, a recent Australian book outlining the story of a large adoptive family who learned that their youngest two children from India were not willingly relinquished for adoption, rather stolen from their mother and sold.

Ugh. I can't even begin to fathom the birth mother's anguish and pain... nor the emotions of anyone else involved in the saga. As I read the story I couldn't help but be relieved that these children were adopted into this particular family, where the parents were bold enough to confront the issue and wise enough to take the steps they did. In a strange series of events it seems that the birth mother's life has been saved through the reunion and she has a hope and a future.

We need stories like this to be told. There is/has been corruption in international adoption in a number of countries, and unless people are aware then there can be little done towards ensuring ethical practices are employed globally. I am pro-adoption, but as I have said before on this blog, I believe international adoption should be a last resort, and then only for children whose only other option is to be raised in an institution without a permanent loving family. I've read too many stories from adult adoptees to believe that transnational adoption is always the fairytale ending it's often made out to be.

Julia Rollings, the author of Love Our Way, has a blog - Towards a New Ending. It was nice to finish the book and then read the following installments and see current pictures in her blog. I was excited to learn also that the television show Foreign Correspondent will be sharing some of this story when it recommences screening in February.

If you're interested in buying the book, I picked mine up at an airport Newslink store. You can also use the link above.

Christmas wishes

2008-12-22T09:27:00.004+10:00

Happy Christmas! We are off to tropical far north Queensland for a week where we will celebrate Christmas with my parents. Wishing all our friends, family and blog readers a very special Christmas and holiday season!

Child bride

2008-12-14T06:11:00.000+10:00

Happy Anniversary to us! Twelve years ago today I walked up the aisle into the arms of the man I love (okay, he was just a boy back then).

On being an ancient mamma

2008-12-09T09:56:00.004+10:00

Wow, and I sometimes worry about being a 'late-starter' and not beginning my family until my thirties. A 70 year old Indian woman has just given birth to a baby! Rajo and her husband had been married 50 years and felt there was a social stigma that they never had children. Eeek!

"We longed for a child all these years and now we are very happy to have one in the twilight years of our life."

Full article here.

3 months logged in

2008-12-08T10:31:00.000+10:00

It's the eighth of the month, which means we are celebrating three months logged in!

All images licensed under Creative Commons. 1. Spot the difference!, 2. Pewter Number 3, 3. Dancing Kids

'All I Really Want for Christmas' music video

2008-12-08T07:38:00.004+10:00

I watched this and was so glad to be reminded that I have the best gift of all, a family. This video suggests there are 50 million orphans who don't.

'All I Really Want for Christmas', Steven Curtis Chapman

Batch buddies

2008-12-01T19:57:00.005+10:00

We (finally) got sent the names and contact details for the other seven couples in our batch today. Hrm now what. I guess someone has to initiate first contact, but it may be a little pointless this early on. Although I guess we don't have to meet up - I could just send a 'hello' email. Hrmmm...

We're not just the same batch; we're also the only files that went to China from Qld this year! It's intriguing to think we will be traveling together and that our children will have a lifelong connection. Maybe our children will all be from the same orphanage. Will we get a 'red couch' photo like the thousands before us?

I also wonder how much can happen between now and referral. How many of the eight couples will drop out / change plans / give up waiting?! (Not us!)

The Willow Trees

2008-11-27T08:45:00.000+10:00

A few months ago I purchased a series of six China adoption related DVDs from Dr. Changfu Chang. One of them, The Willow Trees, documents a remarkable story that is worth sharing.

Bonnie was a single career woman. Bonnie's sister was married and unable to have children, so she decided to adopt. Sadly, she became ill and passed away before this could happen. A little while later Bonnie decided herself to adopt and in doing so fulfilled her sister's dream. She put in her application to China. Her first adoption took place in 1998.

Bonnie missed her sister greatly and thought that her daughter should also have the experience of having a sister, so three years later she decided to pursue a second adoption. This time Bonnie decided to use a new adoption agency upon recommendation by a friend. Interestingly the second agency was located in the building where her sister had first worked and in the area that Bonnie had grown up in. She signed the papers on the same date as her late sister's birthday.

When Bonnie's travel group received their allocations, Bonnie's was not included. She was understandably devastated, however a month later she finally received her referral. It was a complete surprise for Bonnie to learn that her second daughter was from the same city and in fact the same orphanage as her first.

A year later, Bonnie attended a reunion for families who adopted from the orphanage her daughters were from. Someone delivered a message for her which stated that her daughters had a closer link than most and were biologically related.

Of course, you know where this is headed right?! The two daughters looked similar and the older they got the more the similarities became apparent. DNA testing proved the girls were biological sisters. There was no human intervention, and it is not possible that the CCAA would have known they were sisters in order to refer them to the same mother. Bonnie believes this remarkable coincidence was the work of her sister!

Ladybugs

2008-11-17T11:13:00.007+10:00

Ladybugs. Some China-adopters love 'em, some think the whole tradition of good luck and/or good news on the way with a sighting is pointless as it purportedly originated with prospective adopters rather than in China.

I'm not obsessed with ladybugs, but when I see one (or ladybug paraphernalia) I smile gently and think of the future. I have purchased ladybug stickers and some cute ladybug hair clips in the past. Today I may have gone a bit far.

I walked across the road to the butcher and the fruit shop to get supplies for dinner. In between the butcher and the fruit shop is a chemist. Hanging in the doorway of the chemist was this little number which caught my eye.

I walked past and then took two steps back. Oh my. I took it straight to the counter. There were two sales assistants who began gushing at the cuteness of it, and then asked me if it was for Christmas. 'Ummm not sure when it's for really!', I replied. Then one of them asked, 'How old is she?'. 'Ummm, just a baby', I said. I felt a bit silly and couldn't tell them it was actually for a child who not only probably hasn't been conceived, but her birth mother may not have even been conceived yet (I jest, I jest).

When life gives you bad milk, make... bricks?

2008-11-15T09:38:00.007+10:00

Remember the tainted milk issue in China? I just saw this article at China Daily which suggests the contaminated milk could be used to make bricks and concrete. This is apparently a cheaper way to dispose of it than treating it as hazardous waste.

It's scary to think that it's too toxic for landfill yet humans were consuming it. Here's hoping China implements strict quality assurance measures/standards for all food and drinks (and toys and cosmetics and clothes...)

Image by mtlin

2 months logged in

2008-11-08T08:54:00.005+10:00

It's the eighth of the month, which means we are celebrating two months logged in!

All images licensed under Creative Commons. 1. More cute Chinese kids, 2. Your Number 2, 3. chopsticks, 4. Gongxi facai!, 5. Eyes Wide Open, 6. 2

Foot binding

2008-11-03T05:58:00.000+10:00

For about a thousand years in China, ending officially in 1911 through government enforcement (though unofficially the practice continued in some areas for some time), the feet of young girls were bound tightly in bandages in order to make them smaller. The ideal size was 3-inches and a foot that achieved this size was known as a Gold Lotus.

There are diverse opinions on the origins of this brutal practice. You can read about some of them at the Wikipedia entry or this research paper. Another useful reference is this NPR radio report, Painful Memories for China's Footbinding Survivors.

The process was pretty gruesome. It involved breaking toes and folding them down towards the heel. The toes were secured tightly with wet bandages which were replaced every two days, at which time the replacement bandages would be pulled even tighter. Women with bound feet were not able to carry out physical work and often could only hobble, not walk. This guaranteed their fidelity to their husbands and also ensured their inability to participate in politics and other worldly business.

All images licensed under Creative Commons. Images 1, 2 and 4 by johnbullas. Image 3 by plassen.

Run for the hills... or you might get tagged!

2008-10-22T17:57:00.005+10:00

Right! That'll teach me for not posting for a while! Monica at Three Dumplings tagged me to post seven interesting facts about me. Hrmm I think I've done this a couple of times before, so I'm going to have to think of seven things yet un-shared.

1. I drink a lot of green tea (and other herbal teas and tisanes).
2. I own a lot of teapots. I just have a thing for nice tea pots. And I use them all.
3. I get cold easily. Everyone else can be wearing short-sleeves and shorts and I will most likely have a cardigan and jeans on - and still be shivering. Aaron reckons my thermostat is broken.
4. I wake up early just about every day. I'm often up and showered and dressed before 6am. On weekends I tend to laze around in bed til after 7am. However, I go to bed at night pretty early - usually asleep by 9 and definitely by 10... so if I have a late night that sometimes warps my waking time the next day.
5. I like word games. Actually I like most board games. Find me on Facebook and challenge me to Twirl, Scramble, WordScraper or the like. I'll take you on!
6. I'm not very good at staying still. Even when I'm sitting down at work or laying in bed at home I will still have a leg shaking or a foot tapping.
7. I'm a super fast reader. I devour books.

Hrm I just re-read those and realised you might mistake me as someone who is 70 years old!

I'm supposed to post the rules - here they are. Notice I'm a rule breaker:
Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules
2. Share 7 random or weird facts about yourself
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and link to them
4. Let each person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

942

2008-09-23T21:17:00.003+10:00

That's how many days of dossiers need to be processed before the CCAA gets to our log in date (8th Sept 2008). Nine hundred and forty-two. I was planning to fill a jar with 942 M&Ms and each month when referrals occur I would take out and eat the number of dates they got through. Only thing is, the M&Ms would probably go stale by the time our date rolled around. With the average referral rate about 6 days/month, predictions are that we won't receive our allocation until August 2016. HA! So I need to think of another fun way to mark the referrals each month. Any ideas?

(And for the record, I do not believe it will take eight years to get to our LID... I hold hope that things will improve!)

I spy... something beginning with L!

2008-09-23T16:36:00.005+10:00

We have a log-in-date! 8/9/08

Ok, just to confuse half of you, that's the 8th September. Americans would write 9/8/08... which to Aussies would mean the 9th of August. Bah! I have no idea why that is.

I'll be a little clearer.

Our LID is 8th Sept 2008!

After the previous post you would understand my excitement at scoring the number eight in there!

The CCAA have presently referred people logged in up to and including 9th February 2006. Anyone care to figure out how many dates are in front of us?

It's a numbers game!

2008-09-14T10:54:00.004+10:00

Last we heard there were eight couples in our batch, but that hasn't been confirmed yet. Apparently the Dept cannot release batch-buddy details to each other until everyone has consented regarding how much info they will share, and there are people who have not done so yet. I hope it is eight couples as it will add to the excitement with eight being a lucky number in Chinese culture.

Yes, here's the Lucky Number Eight post I promised many weeks ago.

When we lived in China we were invited to the opening of an Irish bar at 8pm on the 8th day of the month. We questioned the late opening time and were told that it would bring good luck and prosperity, but we weren't entirely sure why. I asked our mandarin teacher why, and she said it was because the Chinese word for eight - 'ba' - sounds like the Chinese word for wealth - 'fa'. Which doesn't make much sense to me really considering so many words in Chinese sound similar. But the Chinese can be a suspicious bunch, and truthfully I find it quite intriguing.

The impact of the auspiciousness of number eight is quite significant. You may recall the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony kicked off at 8 mins and 8 seconds past 8pm on 08/08/08. My friend at work married her Chinese husband on the same day, along with presumably thousands of others of this heritage around the world. Mobile phone numbers and car license plates can fetch big bucks if they contain the right numbers too.

It's not just the number eight which is significant. You could devote your life to learning about the impact of numbers and number combinations in Chinese culture. The number 4 is unlucky - 'si' because it sounds like the word for death, and 14 is even more unlucky - 'shi si' - because it sounds like want to die. There's only one number I really want to know right now, and that's the date of our Log-In with the CCAA!

Image by KayVeeINC

Dossier to China

2008-08-29T18:03:00.005+10:00

Oh, for the longest time I've wanted to be able to say we are DTC... and now we are! Two years and twelve days since lodging our Expression of Interest in being assessed, and 8 months and 15 days since being approved (we do things quickly in Queensland, have you noticed?) our dossier is on a QANTAS plane and making its way to China. I saw a QANTAS plane in the sky on my way home from work tonight and choked up a little.

We are officially Qld batch #1 2008. Don't hold your breath, I doubt there will be any further batches from Qld this year. The China officer advised that in 6-8 weeks she will contact the CCAA (China Centre of Adoption Affairs) and find out our log-in-date.

To say I'm relieved is an understatement.

I know there is a massive wait ahead of us, but I do feel like we have finished one chapter of a book and are starting a new chapter. And that feels good!

Can someone say... slow?

2008-08-28T17:16:00.005+10:00

Coming out of hibernation for a quick update. Wish it was better news - looks like our excitement at having an August 2008 (08/08) LID was a pipe dream. Probably was a bit too ambitious to think it could take less than nine months from being approved to being logged in.

*blink*.

Anyway,first update came from the Dept's China officer ten days ago:
'The files were sent to the Notary on 8 August 2008. The files have now been sent back from Notary and I received them this morning. I have now couriered the files to the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade. Once I receive the files back from DFAT I will take them to the Chinese Consulate.'

Then another one two days ago:
'I received the files back from the Department of Foreign Affairs yesterday afternoon, and have now walked the files to the Chinese Consulate this morning.'

With a promise to keep us up to date.

That's all we know! No clue or indication yet how long things will take at the Consulate. I hope to share some DTC (Dossier-to-China) news in the not-too-distant future, followed by LID (log-in-date) news shortly after that.

And I will still update about the auspiciousness of the number 8 soon!

(photo by Randy Son of Robert via Flickr)

We're still checkin' those boxes!

2008-08-05T20:34:00.003+10:00

I spoke with the China officer from the Dept today. Good news, eight couples (yah, I know... eight is news to us too!) are ready to be batched and our paperwork is being sent off to be notarised. There is just one document from one dossier that is missing - whoever it is please hurry! We are now required to get some bank drafts in US currency made up to be sent with our dossier to be paid to the CCAA and also to cover translation services.

It's nice to progress a little.

I asked whether everything is on track for the dossiers to leave on the 15th and was told, "I think so". Apparently the Dept is not sure how long the notarisation will take for eight dossiers, as their usual time expectations are based on batches of approximately five.

I am so hopeful that we will get an August log in date. That would mean eight files in our batch in the eighth month of 2008, and eight is a lucky number for the Chinese. I'll do a post about that later this week to explain why.

International Day 2008

2008-07-28T19:11:00.006+10:00

Sunday was IAFQ's International Day for 2008. As I wrote last year, International Day is a celebration of our state's adopted childrens' birth cultures.

It was bizarre, while we were waiting for the parade to start we saw a couple we met last year at a dinner for waiting parents where we chatted about having the same social worker and the differences in our experiences with her. This couple were assessed just before us, - and THEY HAVE THEIR BABY ALREADY! It was a mind trip for us. They adopted from Taiwan and received an allocation five months after approval, then travel four months after that. And their little boy looked so young and precious!

Enjoy some International Day 2008 photos:

The China group on parade (my favourite part of the day!)

The gorgeous kiddies from the Philippines and their families

Our Ethiopian munchkins (just love their outfits! and the dancing!)

Hanging around outside

Aaron finishing off his Korean BBQ lunch!

We seem to be pretty lucky with the International Day raffle. Last year we won a DVD player and a Mrs Potato Head. This year we won a TV Game Virtual Pet (I still don't know what it is, but will hopefully work it out soon when it arrives!)

After International Day we headed over to the Coffee and Chocolate Affair, where there were far too many people to make it enjoyable, so we headed home after a while and enjoyed a lazy late afternoon.

Previously, on Checking Boxes

2008-07-14T18:23:00.003+10:00

Last week I wrote to the Department after receiving advice that they were now waiting to form a batch of seven dossiers, of which ours would be part of.

Here is an excerpt from my email:

"The inter-country adoption system in China works on a chronological basis, regardless of a dossier's country of origin. The China Centre of Adoption Affairs (CCAA) issues referrals each month. Presently couples receiving referrals from China have had their dossiers logged in for 28+ months. You can see from the referral table at the bottom of this web page that the eighteen month average is 6.3 days allocated/month. The twelve month average is 6.1 days allocated/month. This could potentially mean that for each week longer the current batch of dossiers stays in Australia, an extra month+ is added for the waiting couples."

"According to last week's telephone conversation, the Department wishes to create a batch of seven dossiers. As at July 4, 2008 four couples are ready to be batched and three are compiling their dossiers. We respectfully request that if these final three couples have not finalised their dossiers by end of July 2008 that they form part of a new batch. There are three weeks until the end of July. Three weeks is enough time to complete the dossier requirements. If it is not enough time for the remaining couples then they are really not close enough to be included in the current batch. At present referral rates, three weeks equals three and a half months extra wait after log-in. We are aware that referral rates can change, and are hopeful they do. All we have to go on at present is historical patterns and statistics."

I'm pleased that the response I received today included this information:

"Adoption Services Queensland has spoken with other eligible couples and has requested their documents be provided to ASQ by the end of July to ensure the timely batching of files for preparation and onforwarding to China.

I am confident that a minimum four files will be ready at that time and these shall be dispatched on Friday 15 August 2008 (allowing time for notarising and DFAT action)."

"A girl, a photograph, a homecoming"

2008-07-07T21:16:00.004+10:00

This 25 minute video tells the remarkable story of a Korean adoption in the late 1970s. It is told by a man who worked as a photographer for Time Magazine. He was given an assignment to photograph Amerasian children (kids fathered by American GIs throughout Asia and then abandoned, of which there were some 40 000 at the time). Through this assignment he came to know a little girl and her grandmother in Korea. The story that follows from there is bizarre, serendipitous, intriguing and heart-warming.

[un]Lucky number seven

2008-07-04T17:51:00.005+10:00

I spoke with the China officer at the Dept today to find out the current status of our file and to see whether there were five files ready to be batched and sent to China yet. She advised that they had now decided to put seven files in this batch. Four are ready to go (including us) and another three still have to compile their dossier. While I love the fact that our child would have six other batch-buddies, I would also be happy with three or four.

I politely mentioned that we had been ready and waiting for months, and that every week longer at this end potentially adds months at the other end. She understands why we would be concerned and frustrated - although I'm not sure how much because from every conversation I've had with people in the Dept, I don't believe anyone there monitors the monthly China allocations closely and knows the stats, history, trends or realities. At least they have removed the '17 months wait from China' information from their website.

I asked how long we would wait for these last three files, and was it possible to draw a line in the sand somewhere and if they aren't ready by that date they could wait for the next batch. Apparently this is beyond her control and would need to be decided higher up.

I can feel a letter coming on.

Beijingaling

2008-06-30T19:53:00.004+10:00

With the Olympics around the corner, it's useful to learn to pronounce Beijing correctly - particularly the 'j' sound. This short video explains it well; now we just need the newsreaders and journos to get it right!

Is it okay if I have a little rant?

2008-06-28T08:58:00.008+10:00

Ya know what, we've been 'officially' in this process for two years now AND OUR FILE IS STILL IN AUSTRALIA! Lol! I don't know what I'll think or how I'll feel if we aren't batched and Dossier-To-China in July. I always thought (way back before the time-lines blew out and before Expressions of Interest for adopting reopened in Qld) that we would be travelling to China and receiving our baby in 2008.

Actually, the plan in my head went something like this:
2008 - adopt
2009 - bio baby
2011 - bio baby
2012 - adopt

I had it all worked out. I know, four kids in five years. I'm nutty like that, but let me live in my utopian world for a moment. Now the reality is probably something like this:

2013 - adopt
2014 - realise I'm probably too old for a bio baby. cry. raise an only child.

I'm being a drama queen. The wait is kinda getting to me, and we haven't even STARTED the real wait. I just want the security of being logged-in.

The Department has these insane rules, like you can't have a homegrown baby while you are in the adoption process because you need to show that you are 100% committed to the adoption, and apparently if you are pursuing pregnancy that means adoption really isn't what you want to do. No recognition there for people who choose to have a blended family and who ARE 100% committed to adoption AND having bio children (unless you have already finished having all your bio kids and are adopting to complete your family). It's one or the other. It stinks.

People go around the rules. They just don't tell the Dept they are having a baby and then at their two-year update go, 'surprise!'. I don't know if I could that. Aaron wouldn't do that (have you met the guy? he's the most rule-abiding, integrity dripping, straight down the line person God ever created).

So we sit here in limbo, wondering... waiting... aging LOL!

I know you love pics...

2008-05-17T08:12:00.005+10:00

No adoption news. File is still in Australia. The new China officer started with the Department and sent us an email to introduce herself. Who are these other couples we are waiting for? PLEASE HURRY UP! Every week the file stays here could potentially add months to the wait. I've even had a few fleeting thoughts of trying to have a baby in the meantime. Don't get excited, there's been no serious contemplation, just fleeting thoughts as I ponder the extending wait and my age.

To more positive news, the IAFQ 30th Anniversary picnic was held three weeks ago. That's how long it has taken me to make the time to get the pics of my camera and write about it.
Official reports are that there were about a hundred attendees.

Country flags flapping in the wind.

Lainie, my adoption blogging sista, and I.

The patient couple.

Telling the kids

2008-04-29T17:52:00.003+10:00

How gorgeous is this:

An update, for what it's worth!

2008-04-19T11:10:00.005+10:00

The latest info is that there are two dossiers ready and waiting (ours and another). The Dept will only send dossiers to China in batches of five. Apparently there are three more 'not far behind' that the Dept was going to follow up this week. A new officer for the China program has been appointed and starts on the 28th April. I never would have imagined that we'd get to May and still not be DTC (dossier to China), but it's starting to look that way!

Something? Anything?

2008-04-06T11:12:00.004+10:00

Working for the Intercountry Adoption Unit (which I just always refer to as 'the Dept' because it's part of the Department of Child Safety) must be a tough gig. We've seen three coordinators for the China program come and go.

Right now there is no dedicated coordinator until they appoint a newbie. The team leader is looking after the China program, but she's a hard lady to catch. She only works Mon, Tues and Wed. I rang on Wednesday and was told she didn't start work until 1pm. I left a message asking her to call, but I guess she's snowed under. I'm not an annoying stalker. I've probably phoned the Dept twice in past two years (and if I hadn't, our file would still probably be on hold for no valid reason).

I would like to know whether there are any other files ready for our batch! I'd like to know an estimate of when our dossier might finally leave these shores. Actually, I'd just like any information at all. And I'd like to suggest that they might update their dossier paperwork so they're not still telling people it's a 14 month wait for a referral from China.

This probably sounds like a rant, so I want it to be known that I respect the team working at the Dept and I hold them in high regard. They do a good job under difficult circumstances and like most Government agencies are probably understaffed. So they should give me a job there to come and look after the China program :-) I'm a fully qualified hoop-jumper and box-checker. And I return phone calls. Sometimes. (Ok, I can work on that one).

One Child Policy to Continue

2008-03-26T13:18:00.003+10:00

There has been speculation recently about whether China's family planning policy (commonly known as the One Child Policy) would change or continue. Earlier this month, China's Family Planning Minister announced that the policy would continue for at least another ten years.

While the policy is commonly deemed successful in curbing population growth, there have been massive social, economic, environmental, ethical and other implications and consequences as a result of this policy, directly and indirectly, including

child abandonment, especially girls
female gendercide
child trafficking
wife trafficking
forced abortions / forced sterilisation
gender imbalance
4/2/1 dependency ratio
declining birth rate, hence declining population replacement rate
aging population
little emperor syndrome
hugely disproportionate number of marriageable age males without female counterparts
(this list is just a quick brain-dump and is by no means exhaustive)

The One Child Policy is not a blanket policy imposed on all families. In fact, the current birth rate in China sits at around 1.8 children per family (not down to 1 per family but certainly a shift from the average of 7.5 children per family in 1963). Here is some information about the policy:

families are allowed to have two children if the first born is a girl or is disabled (resulting in second and third born females being abandoned)
rural families are permitted to have two children
if the mother and father are only children themselves, they are allowed two children
the policy is enforced in different ways in different provinces
ethnic minorities (the 55 different Chinese ethnic groups, ie. non-Han Chinese) may have two and sometimes three children
breaching the policy can result in fines, withdrawal of family allowance, demotion or discharge from jobs, social rejection

I wonder what the Chinese would think of the policies of my nation's Government; we are paid to have children and encouraged to have larger families in an attempt to increase the fertility rate.

Similar/related earlier posts: The right to live, Family planning slogans, Population stuff.

Update on Aussie adoption petition

2008-03-24T20:51:00.004+10:00

A quick update on my post earlier this month about the adoption petition for the Australian Federal Government. There is a new link to the online petition -
http://www.adoptionaustralia.org/

There are eleven initial changes that the petition targets. Most interesting is the need to provide potential for NGOs to facilitate adoption services, rather than the current requirement of working with government departments only. Also a push for Australia to open up new country programs and to reduce waiting lists.

Please join with me in signing the petition - and please share the link with your networks. The link also provides a draft letter that can be sent to your local MP (for those in Australia).

It's everywhere

2008-03-24T17:13:00.009+10:00

Is adoption increasingly prevalent, or is it just that I'm more aware of it..? Last week I returned from a work trip to the US and there were three (count 'em, THREE) movies on the plane featuring adoption. This was right after I watched December Boys the previous weekend which makes strong reference to adopting.

I managed to catch Juno (loved it) and August Rush (liked it), but didn't watch Martian Child cos the write up was average.

Pics from the trip:
Seattle Sky Needle
At an NBA game baby!
Doing my thing

(more photos here)

Initiating change

2008-03-09T16:43:00.004+10:00

**ETA: Not sure why the petition link is down... hopefully it will be back up again soon! Hopefully it's collapsed from too much traffic!

Australians wishing to adopt from overseas have limited options due to the small number of inter-country agreements. An online petition has been developed to present to the Federal Government to accelerate the opening of new programs as a matter of priority.

Please join with us and sign the petition .

Taggedy shmaggedy!

2008-02-04T18:41:00.000+10:00

I run but I can't hide! Kristen tagged me to post seven weird/strange things about me. I think I did a 'random facts' post last year some time, so I sat here thinking for ages about seven different things I could write and couldn't come up with anything. For this reason I'm going to post seven websites I can't get enough of (maybe one of my random facts should be that I'm a rebel and can't follow instructions!)

Here we go...

1. Post Secret. Who doesn't love reading other peoples' secrets?

2. Perez Hilton. I have no idea why I go here. I don't especially care about celebrities, but I keep going back.

3. My local Weather forecast. I am a weather freak. I can't cope if I don't know the weather forecast. Even when I lived in Mt Isa where it was HOT and DRY 360 days of the year, I still needed to check the forecast several times a day.

4. Xinhua Chinese news. Gotta keep up to date with all the ~~propaganda~~ news from the Middle Kingdom!

5. Bloglines. I don't know how I could ever keep up with all the blogs I read without this baby!

6. Indexed. Random amusing scribbles by a witty chick.

7. Ummm... I'll make number 7 your chance to ask me a question. Ask away! Or just share a website in the comments that you can't get enough of!

Goodbye twenties!

2008-01-30T06:44:00.001+10:00

A year ago today I wrote about being desperate to turn thirty so our file could go to China. Well, the day has arrived! I'm thirty! Unfortunately our file isn't going anywhere until we've completed the dossier and there are four more couples at the same point, but I'm still very excited! This is the biggest box to check yet!

I had a super fun weekend with a couple of quiet, last minute get-togethers with the excuse of my birthday, and there was a certain theme to my gifts... a jade bangle - my parents organised a friend in China who went shopping with an ex-jade dealer to select it, green tea caraffe, stunning Chinese cookbook and story, beautiful adoption book , red eggs (my cousin and her family are so awesomely thoughtful!), a red packet, a gift voucher and a cute shirt that says 'my heart is in China'. I also received a big slow cooker which I'm looking forward to using, and Aaron bought me a stunning diamond and gold locket pendant for my belcher bracelet.

The pic is from my fourth birthday.

Happy Australia Day!

2008-01-26T12:27:00.000+10:00

Happy Australia Day! Because we're so isolated, Aussies came up with our own lingo which makes no sense to the rest of the world. Inspired by an article in today's paper, I put a quick quiz together. Have a go and test how 'strine you really are (or whether you'd need an interpreter if you ever visited)!

USA here I come!

2008-01-25T21:55:00.000+10:00

Do I have any bloggy buddies in Seattle? I was told today that I'm heading there in March for a few days for work. Sadly I am not able to add any days before or after to scoot around America visiting people I would love to meet and checking out the sights, so I'm a little restricted... but if you're in the area let me know so I can work something out!

I'm a little concerned about how COLD I will be and whether I'll have enough warm clothes. I live in beautiful, warm Queensland where I get to wear a jacket only about three days each year.

About the dossier...

2008-01-23T19:57:00.000+10:00

As I mentioned a few posts ago, we were approved for adoption by the Qld government last month. What that means now is that we are required to compile our dossier to be sent to China. The dossier must contain certain documents and information, so we've spent a few weeks chasing some of it up and still have more to go. We've been told we'll be the first couple in a new batch, and that we need to wait for four more couples to be approved and compile dossiers to they can all be sent to China together. This means that some of the documentation and requirements that have a life span (like finger prints and cheques) we have to hold off on arranging until further advice from the Dept so they don't expire too quickly.

In the meantime we've been busying ourselves with other dossier requirements, like doctor appointments - because the first comprehensive medical we did last year to prove eligibility isn't sufficient. Ewww. We have to have blood tests. Not cool. Ewwww.

When we've got everything ready for the dossier we'll be officially batched. It's not looking like it will be shortly after my birthday (next week) like we planned all along. Unfortunately for us, Queenslanders are no longer rushing to be part of the China program due to the massive increase in wait times. We were advised four more couples could be approved by March/April 'if we're lucky'. And then, if we're really lucky, we could even have a referral for a baby by the time the next millennium rolls around ;-) If you've got friends in high places, please send up a prayer for us!

**I added a new email subscription option - check out the right side bar to sign up!**

A strange attraction

2008-01-12T07:53:00.000+10:00

Two posts in two days. Try not to go into shock.

I read an article today about unknowing twins in the UK marrying each other. The twins were separated at birth and adopted to different sets of parents. They only discovered they were brother and sister after they married, at which point the marriage was annulled.

Mess mess mess mess mess.

Read the article here.

About names... again

2008-01-11T18:21:00.000+10:00

I think about names a lot (hence one of my other blogs, The Name Warehouse), so anything to do with names AND China is going to get my attention. On the Eastern Journey blogged about Chinese people using English names last year, and then when Nancy shared the link to the video below I thought it might be timely to write an entry too.

When we taught in China our students mostly had English names. They really did it to make life easier for the foreign teachers. Many of them were given their English name by their elementary school English teacher (often a Chinese national who has never conversed with a native English speaker) from the back of some book from the 1950s. Consequently a great number of our students had names reflective of that era. Other students chose their own name based on famous westerners or movie characters, or they used a dictionary and picked something with a useful meaning.

I had a student who named himself Little Pig. Others were self-named Apple, Secretary, Hamlet and Eagle. Marking the attendance roll was fun, especially when someone would forget their English name. I remember a guy in my class had a girlfriend in one of Aaron's classes, and when I asked him who, he had no idea of her English name - and we had no idea of hers or anyone else's Chinese name!

This clip about English names in China made me smile, hope you enjoy it too! Long live Samanfar!

(In other news, I could have done the interviewing in this video! I understand and can speak just about all the Chinese that's used! It's pretty basic, but I guess I'm progressing!)

Wedded bliss

2007-12-14T06:07:00.000+10:00

Today we celebrate eleven years of marriage. Can I just say that again - ELEVEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE! Wow.

Yes, just like Jamie I was a fetus when we married. Just 18 (or if you ask Aaron, "she was nearly 19!"). Aaron was so old and mature, he was 21.

Here is a slideshow depicting some of those years:

Let me tell you a little about those eleven years.
- We lived in Brisbane for the first two years while I finished my Bachelor's degree.
- We moved to Mount Isa to do my 'country service' for teaching and ended up staying for seven years.
- We bought a house.
- Somewhere in those seven years we took off and lived in China for five months.
- I started and finished my Master's degree (I graduate tomorrow!)
- We sold abovementioned house.
- We decided to adopt from China.
- We realised we were too young to adopt from China.
- So we waited.
- I changed my hair from blonde to brunette to red to raven and back to brunette.
- And we waited a little more.
- We had busy jobs with lots of travel.
- We made incredible friendships that we treasure.
- Some of those friends lived with us for periods of time. Others might as well have.
- We had fun parties in the backyard and good times camping in the open air bush.
- We played sport together and decided to learn Mandarin together.
- I coached kids' sport teams, debating teams, and computer clubs.
- Aaron played the stockmarket and golf and developed a love for cooking.
- We took holidays and discovered this amazing country of ours.
- We witnessed most of our siblings getting married, and we became an Uncle and an Aunt over and again.
- We moved back to Brisbane and purchased land in the beautiful Sunshine Coast hinterland, where we are now building a house.
- We started the adoption process and it was the most surreal feeling in the world.
- We were APPROVED to adopt! The official notification and final report is being delivered to us by registered mail today! What a sweet anniversary gift!

Brought to you by the letter W

2007-12-01T14:54:00.000+10:00

It's been eight weeks since our final assessment, and still no report! (Can you believe it?!) I emailed a query three weeks ago and was told they would find out the status and get back to me. I'll make contact again this week.

I was thinking today about the annoying timing of it all. I turn thirty on January 30. We were hoping to have everything ready to go so that our file can be sent as soon as possible after that. Files from Qld usually go over in batches of 5-7, so I'm hoping we will be the last couple in a batch, rather than the first. Queensland doesn't have masses of files going over, so sometimes it's a matter of waiting weeks or months to have a complete batch. If we're the first couple in a batch it will mean a bit more waiting.

Chinese New Year starts Feb 7 next year. The whole of China basically shuts down and parties for a few weeks, so it's possible that we could be held up by that.

But we'll get there. Eventually. And we will be placed with a child. One day.

It was some time around the end of 1999 (when I was almost 22 years old and 30 seemed so far away) when we decided to adopt from China, so we know what it's like to wait. We just wish we didn't have to!

IAFQ Picnic in the park

2007-11-18T19:47:00.000+10:00

Here are a few pics from the IAFQ Picnic in the Park today. The picnic was designed to bring a focus to intercountry adoption, particularly issues around fee increases, post adoption programs, and the need for more agreements between Australia and other countries in order to open up new programs. We had a number of guest speakers, including IAFQ's new official ambassador, Deborra-Lee Furness. Deborra-Lee and her husband Hugh Jackman have two adopted children.
Most of the other speakers were politicians, including local ministers and the Federal Attorney General Phillip Ruddock . I enjoyed most the speech from Jann Stuckey MP for Currumbin. She showed genuine concern and passion for intercountry adoption.

Here's the two of us, just kicking back!If you're in Australia, be sure to watch Today Tonight and A Current Affair tomorrow night (Monday 19th Nov).

**Leisa can be seen in the background of our pic, and she has written an informative post about the picnic - read it here.

Aussie adoption books

2007-11-17T09:24:00.000+10:00

I bought some new books last night, specifically relating to intercountry adoption within Australia. Kudos to Borders who have significantly expanded their range of adoption books over the past year.

Adopting Overseas (2007), subtitled as A Guide to Adopting from Australia, Plus Personal Stories that will Inspire You. It discusses the history of adoption in Australia, and relevant processes, facts and statistics as well as advice on managing a range of issues. I want to share a great passage from it that had me in tears (though that doesn't take much really), but have to see if the publishers will give permission first.
Adopting Parents' Stories (2007) which is a compilation of stories from adoptive parents and families in Australia. I haven't started this one yet, but I like the way its organised into different chapters, eg. Dreams, Loss & Grief, Hope, Conflict, Journey, Challenge - and that it is real stories and recent stories.

Unfortunately Amazon doesn't stock either of them, but both can purchased direct from the publishers (which I've linked to if you click each title).

Free rice

2007-11-13T20:52:00.000+10:00

Go here www.freerice.com - get smarter and feed the hungry at the same time. Read the FAQ to understand how it works.

Waiting parents dinner

2007-11-12T18:24:00.000+10:00

We went to the IAFQ waiting parents dinner on Saturday night and made new friends and caught up with others. It was so much fun, and there was a good turn out of nearly 30 people. If you live in Brisbane and are in the process of adopting, please come to the next one! Thank you Leisa for organising the dinners all year. We have appreciated them so much.

Dear Parents

2007-11-10T09:54:00.000+10:00

No report yet, but the register has reopened!

2007-11-06T20:02:00.000+10:00

UPDATE: No, your RSS feed isn't going crazy and I haven't just written thirty new entries. I've just cleaned up some tags, sorry!

No news! (is good news?) We haven't heard back yet about our report. Will wait another couple of weeks before we contact the Dept.

It would have been nice to have been approved before last Sunday so that the new increase in costs wouldn't apply to us for post-placement visits ($1500). Because we're still waiting for approval, we have to pay it. I acknowledge that the Dept has to draw a line in the sand somewhere, but it annoys me that the only reason we're not approved yet and therefore we DO have to pay the extra is because of a hold up at their end (oh yeah, not to mention putting our file on hold mistakenly for six weeks or whatever it was).

Anyway, we could query it, but are choosing our battles wisely. Some things aren't worth making a song and dance about when there are potentially bigger fish to fry in the future. Don't want too many nasty comments on file next to our names.

In other news, the Queensland register has re-opened (hurrah!) meaning couples can now lodge their expression of interest in the process again.

In a recent letter the Minister for Child Safety outlined that couples applying now could expect to progress in 18-20 months. That is just the Qld side, not the overseas side. Yup, this is just getting approval BEFORE any files go overseas. Slap another 2 - 7 years onto that to get a realistic expectation for most couples til placement with a child. This is a 'dramatic increase' from the process in 2004 where it was not unusual for the process to take three years to get to approval stage. I'm pleased things are speeding up, but I also fear a massive backlog for countries where Qld has a quota of files. We currently only have agreements with 14 countries, and many of them have quotas. I might write about that more in a future post.

So, just dropping in to say we're still here, still waiting, and still reading all your blogs!

Assessment complete

2007-10-08T20:19:00.000+10:00

This is Aaron. Post number three for me.

Hooray for us. Our social worker visits are over. The interviews went off without a hitch. We had heard some interesting stories before the first visit about the questions we may be asked and the way the social workers approach prospective adoptive parents. This was daunting for me. I have a reputation for talking very little and keeping my opinions to myself. For some reason I had no issues talking about my thoughts, life, family and all the rest with our social worker. I thought I may have set a record for the longest individual interview after mine took about 3 hours, I discovered that there had been some interviews much longer than mine.

The adoption case workers have a tough gig. Assessing the suitability of prospective parents is a massive responsibility and the future of the children is at stake. We were extremely fortunate. Our case worker is a star. She was easy to talk to and told us right from the beginning that if there were any issues with our expectations or our responses, she would not keep that a secret. At the end of the final interview I asked if there had been anything that we needed to clarify. We were all clear.

I can't wait to see what we sound like once the report is written, but it will be 1-2months before we get to read it.

Vote for Jenny

2007-10-02T11:03:00.000+10:00

I'd guess that many people involved with adoption from China have heard of Half the Sky foundation. Half the Sky aims to provide a home-like nurturing experience for China's orphans, so that each child has a caring adult in their life. They have some amazing programs with foster families, nannies and teachers, to support children in social welfare institutes.

Jenny Bowen, an adoptive mother, started Half the Sky ten years ago. Jenny is a contender to carry the Olympic Torch, running with eight children from a variety of Half the Sky's programs.

Please VOTE FOR JENNY (click the link and when the page opens click on Vote).

Individual interviews - take 2.

2007-09-24T19:45:00.001+10:00

I had my individual interview on Saturday afternoon. Nothing to report on really, just that it happened. I was done in just over an hour and a half, which is a bit different to Aaron's which went for three hours! Our case worker asked us the same questions in our individual interviews, so either I don't waffle, or Aaron does! I think we only have one more interview, which will be a couple one again. Checkity-check-check-checkity-check!

A new game at Checking Boxes!

2007-09-22T17:55:00.000+10:00

First of all, check out the new blog header for Checking Boxes!

That's not the most exciting part. Now click the baby.

Woohoo! Now you can play Beat the Paperchase at Checking Boxes! The instructions should appear, including a Play button. You need a score of 1400 to beat the paperwork.

When you've had a play, fill in the poll on the left to let me know how you went. (Poll will be active for 60 days, so if you're reading this through the archives it won't be there).

I should note that I haven't tested this on any machine than my little Mac using Firefox, so it would be great if you would let me know whether it's actually working out there in different browsers etc. It's taken me hours of playing with code to get it to work in Blogger, so I hope it's all functioning correctly!

All credit to my magnificent friend and colleague Kristine (check out a couple of her many websites - like Flash Classroom or Games in Learning). Thanks Kris, love your work and appreciate our new header and game heaps. It'll give our adopting friends something to do during the loooong wait!

Gone to a good home

2007-09-14T20:47:00.000+10:00

Oh boy. I just finished watching a repeat of Gone to a Good Home, a documentary about adoption practices in Australia between the 1950s and the 1970s. Over 150 000 unwed mothers had their babies taken from them at birth, most never even catching a glimpse of their child. They didn't choose to give their children over to adoption, they were tricked or forced into signing the papers. Most would have chosen to raise their child and would probably have done a wonderful job of it.

The documentary follows Lily's story, and if you didn't know it to be true you'd think she was making it up. The bullying, discrimination and harsh treatment that these teenage girls endured is horrific, and as a result many of them lived sorrow-filled lives.

It makes me question the circumstances surrounding birth mothers/parents of abandoned Chinese babies. We may never know whether they experience the same heartbreak yet feel that they have no choice due to societal pressures and national law. Even though their babies may not be forcefully taken from them (though in cases they are... usually before they are born), the situation that leads the mother/parents to abandon is often a result of social expectations and responsibility. Yes, I'm probably generalising and I'm acutely aware that every case is different, but I can't help but wonder how these women/couples deal with their choices (or lack of) for the remainder of their lives.

We look back on Australia's adoption history and in cases like Lily's story we are deeply saddened. We wonder, 'how could we really have been like that?' because the world is such a different place now. What will China and the world be like in another thirty years, and will Chinese society reflect on it's nation's practices and be equally saddened at the situations that lead so many children to be abandoned?

One of those babies will be ours. And there probably won't be a single day where I won't think about her birth parents. Even though loss is at the heart of adoption, it can also be something so joyous and beautiful, as families are created and children gain parents. Even though adoption is our first preference, we acknowledge that it may really be the second-best option for a child who deserves to be raised in their culture with their birth family. Unfortunately that option is not available for so many children. I think the second-best option is a pretty darn good one, and I'm working my butt off to learn everything I can about parenting transnationally adopted children to ensure that our baby always knows unconditional love and acceptance.

Individual interviews - take 1.

2007-09-14T14:16:00.000+10:00

We were all set for our individual interviews today. Our adoption case worker arrived at about 10.30am and I boot-scooted out of the place so she could chat with Aaron first. Aaron's interview took about three hours, and when it came time for mine our case worker received a phone call about a sick child of hers, and had to leave! So now I get to bug Aaron about what she asked and how he answered. Usually the individual interviews enable the case worker to see whether we agree about important issues and have the same perspectives on things. Hopefully next weekend she can squeeze me in for a catch-up interview.

Referrals to Nov 25, 2005

2007-09-04T19:10:00.000+10:00

Go Australia! Yeah yeah yeah! This is the first time I've seen Australia find out referral information before the rest of the world! Usually we find out a good week later than everyone else.

I don't think there are any Queensland families in the latest allocations, but I know that there is one very happy batch from Tasmania!

It's disheartening though to see that only four more days made it through this month. There must be a huge truckload of families logged in with a November 2005 date.

Assessment

2007-09-01T20:02:00.000+10:00

On Friday we met with our case worker again for an interview. It went for about two and a half hours - so much talking.

She asked about how we reached the decision to adopt, stuff about religion ('what do you know about religion in China?' 'what if your child doesn't want to go to your church or won't accept your beliefs?'), about our support network, about how our families feel, about finances, how we spend our leisure time, and a fair amount of time asking about parenting both bio and adopted children ('what if you have two of one and one of the other - how will the other feel?' 'if you have a bio child straight after adoption, what will that mean for the adopted child?').

There were some great questions and it was a strangely enjoyable chat. She did say that this was the easy stuff, and we'll get stuck into more heavy stuff toward the end of the assessment. Bring it on! We want to progress!

Last weekend

2007-08-24T07:05:00.000+10:00

Last Saturday we went to another IAFQ dinner for waiting parents. We caught up with friends, and made some new ones, and had a complete blast. When we were introducing ourselves to a couple we hadn't met before, the wife said, "Do you have a blog? Checking Boxes? Are you Emma?" Hahha! I don't think that's happened to me before. She's happy to lurk and hasn't left a comment before, but checks in every day. Hi L! Great to meet you and hope we can catch up again soon!

On Sunday we met our adoption case worker (social worker), who is doing our assessment**. We have four more interviews and then she writes our report and recommendation. We have a couple of things to think about before we meet next. First, we need to get our wills written. Second, we need to decide who will take care of our child/children should we both die, and our case worker then has to talk with them. Hrmmm. No idea about that one yet.

**After being assigned our case worker and not hearing from her for over five weeks, I contacted the Dept to advise them. It turns out they had our file on hold (remember this post?), and told our case worker that, despite us never asking for it to be put on hold and specifically saying that we were proceeding as normal.

The right to live

2007-08-22T17:16:00.000+10:00

There's an article in today's Courier Mail that states that there have been 10 million baby girls in India aborted or victims of gendercide in the past twenty years. It's heartbreaking. TEN MILLION. I don't even know how to comprehend a number that big, especially when it relates to human life.

I don't want this to be a morbid entry, but I share it because awareness and education about these issues need mainstreaming.

As most of us know, the same issues are prevalent in China... still. This presentation was shared at the 2007 UN conference on the status of women. It's focus is on the issues related to female abandonment and preference for boys in China. Some alarming facts are presented, but they need to be made known. Whacked out ratios. Steady patterns. Social insanity. And laws that mean if you abandon a baby girl you are punished, but if you kill her it's ignored.

And the wait to adopt gets longer.

Tagged with a meme!

2007-08-13T17:58:00.000+10:00

Blondie over at Doing the Adoption Limbo tagged me with the following:

The meme
*Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
*People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
*At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and they should read your blog.

Here are my eight things (8 is the Chinese lucky number!)

1. I love to read the newspaper. In a perfect world, I would read the paper every day. (online papers don't count. I'm a purist about this one... even though I do read online papers most days, it's not my preference)

2. I'm scared of dogs.

3. I can write shorthand. Really fast. I think I was the last class ever at my high school for shorthand, because it disappeared out of the curriculum after that. Pitman 2000 is the version I learnt.

4. When I listen to the radio, I switch between stations to hear the DJs. If there's a song playing I'll usually flick to another station.

5. I love visiting cemeteries. I'm not a morbid person at all, I just love the historical aspect and wondering about all the peoples' lives and families.

6. I go to church in a movie theatre ('theater' to my yankee pals). Not an abandoned old derelict cinema, but a fully operating one. We have to clear out on time so the movies for the day can start. Comfy chairs, a big screen for multimedia - and the lovely aroma of popcorn.

7. I don't wear nail polish or anything like that which puts chemicals into my bloodstream (I'm even scared of panadol) and I try to only use products that are made from 100% pure oils and organic herbs (shampoo and conditioner, body wash, moisturiser etc.) BUT... I get my hair dyed. I'm a walking contradiction. I know I could buy hair dye that is made from natural ingredients, but I would have to apply it myself and I'm too unco for that.

8. I've kept a blog over at livejournal for over six years - and because I'm lazy I took the first five facts for this entry from a similar meme that I did over there back in January. I was really active the first two or three years, but now I only update on an ad hoc basis. I can't keep up with my online presence!! Facebook, myspace, blogger, livejournal, flickr, youtube, schoolfriends, teachertube... aaaagh!

I have to tag eight people. There's probably only eight people who read this blog, so consider yourself tagged! Ba-da-bing ba-da-boom!

Family planning slogans in China

2007-08-05T16:51:00.000+10:00

Three posts in two days. This has to be some kind of record for me.

Those who refuse to use birth control, have a ligation and pay the extra birth fine will be severely punished' - family planning banner in Guangxi

I read an article today that China has decided to update some of its harsh family planning posters and billboards.

Some of the existing slogans on walls and billboards say things like:
'Raise fewer babies but more piggies'
'Houses toppled, cows confiscated, if abortion demand rejected'
'One more baby means one more tomb'
'Better ten graves than one extra birth' (there's a human rights book by this name)

The slogans which have been approved to replace the questionable ones include:
'The mother earth is too tired to sustain more children'
'Both boys and girls are parents' hearts'

While searching for photographs of such posters, I came across this site which shows the population policy propaganda posters over time.

I also learnt about the incredibly sad case of Jin Yani in China, who is suing family planning officials due to the ramifications of a full term forced abortion seven years ago. Ugh.

"Adoption heartbreak" article

2007-08-05T15:01:00.000+10:00

Adoption has been making the news more than usual around here. In today's Sunday Mail there's an article about how Deborra-lee Furness and husband Hugh Jackman returned to the US to adopt their children because the Australian Government's 'anti-adoption culture' and overwhelming red tape was making it difficult for them.

The paper version (ie. not online) has another article which provides some interesting figures. In Australia in 2004/2005 there were 410 babies adopted in Australia, from 25 countries. In comparison, the US had 21, 000 during this period. Australia rates as the lowest country in the Western world for its rate of intercountry adoption.

Debora-lee has called for Prime Minister John Howard to meet with her to discuss overhauling the adoption process.

I have mixed thoughts. I agree the process here isn't easy, but I don't think it should be. There have been many improvements in recent years, and it seems much of the wait is due to country quotas and long queues once a couple is approved. I believe Australia needs more agreements with more countries, and for current quotas to be reviewed and increased.

The Zhang Empresses

2007-08-04T17:56:00.000+10:00

I just ordered a documentary called The Zhang Empresses, which is about some Chinese girls adopted to Sweden who go back to China after ten years and visit their orphanage. The first ten minutes of the documentary can be viewed here.

International Day 2007

2007-07-31T18:36:00.000+10:00

We went to International Day on Sunday. International Day is hosted by IAFQ and is an annual celebration of our state's adopted childrens' birth cultures. I think it would be safe to say that it's the biggest event each year on the calendar for international adoption in Qld.

We saw the beautiful children parade in their country groups wearing traditional costumes. Supreme gorgeousness. We could take our pick from all the different cuisines for lunch (Aaron chose Korean, I was a little unwell so just had a drink and a nibble of Aaron's rice - otherwise I probably would have sampled some Ethiopian sold by Leisa!) We got to catch up with some great friends we've made through adoption, and also had the pleasure of meeting Blondie.

The minister for Child Safety did a bit of a spiel and announced that the Qld adoption register will reopen in October for two years! I believe this positive outcome is a result of the lobbying of IAFQ and other support group members.

There were a couple of seminars on offer during the day hosted by teen and adult adoptees through ICASN. I love listening to and learning from people who have experienced what our children will be able to relate to - we can learn some things about what to do and what not to do.

There was an article in yesterday's paper about one of the families at International Day. One of these years I'll be blogging about how our beautiful baby enjoyed International Day... until then we'll just enjoy all the other children!

Whoops, long post and lots of links!

Psst... did you hear?

2007-07-16T18:49:00.001+10:00

I just had a phone call from a good friend, ringing to find out the goss. She goes, 'So... you're pregnant!'. She had been talking to someone else who said, 'Next time you talk to Emma, congratulate her for me on her pregnancy!'. What the?

It's a Chinese baby, people... not Chinese whispers!

It's a bit odd because everyone we know is aware we are adopting. Maybe they thought we had given up or changed our minds, or were trying to squeeze a bio child in before the adoption.

I do need to admit that when the wait began skyrocketing and the Dept. announced at a recent event that there would be a 30 month wait, we did enquire about whether we were able to stay in the process and have a bio child while waiting. The Dept. made it very clear that this was not an option and we needed to be 100% committed to the adoption. They didn't seem to understand that having a child wouldn't alter our adoption plans, and that we are 100% committed to having a blended family. All we were wondering is whether we could change the order our children came to us so I don't end up being reallly old by the time I give birth, if things work out that way.

Anyway, it was an interesting conversation, followed by an email the next day saying they were putting our file on hold until we had decided what we were going to do. I wrote back and said not to put our file on hold, we never requested that, and that we wouldn't do anything that would jeopardise the adoption process. And then life went back to normal.

Maybe my phone is bugged and someone heard the conversation and thought we must be trying for a baby, and spread the news. Sorry, folks... it's China or bust for the meantime.

OCDF

2007-07-06T18:59:00.001+10:00

A couple of months ago I requested to be sent some language cards for travel and adoption by Our Chinese Daughters Foundation. In the pack was this gorgeous handmade charm of a baby in swaddling. It's so sweet and little, and I can't get a close enough photo to show the detail:
Jane, the founder of OCDF has one of the very best yahoo! e-groups around, called Ask Jane in China. I'm always learning new things from her.

Adoption register

2007-07-05T09:54:00.000+10:00

Queenslanders can't just apply to adopt whenever we choose. We need to wait until the state adoption register is open. The register closed again on Monday, with no word on when it will re-open.

Last time it stayed open for 8 weeks, then closed for 18 months. I stalked the Dept during that time asking when it would reopen, and they could never say. This time it was a bit better - it stayed open for a whole year. We got in real early with our expression of interest (last August), because we had been watching and waiting for it to open.

It's very sad for people who make the decision to pursue adoption while the register is closed, with no indication of when it will reopen. There are no other options available, either, as all adoptions in Queensland are managed by the government (ie. no private agencies).

Our local support groups had been lobbying for the register to close overnight only, opening immediately the following day. That didn't happen.

The long road ahead

2007-06-12T18:27:00.000+10:00

The Dept contacted us today to advise that we are now required to pay for our assessment. Assessment is where an adoption case worker (social worker) interviews Aaron and I over a period of time and writes a report on our suitability as adoptive parents. Pretty darn suitable, I hope!

Workbooks and profiles submitted!

2007-06-05T18:09:00.000+10:00

We submitted our workbooks and profiles to the Dept today. What a relief! They were a long time coming, not that there's a great rush - still 8 months til I'm thirty. In any case, we completed graphs, charts, responses to readings, family trees, financial statements and our life stories.

Some of the questions we each had to write about included the following toughies:

How has your position in the family (eg. youngest/third/middle child) influenced your roles and attitudes?

Describe your most recent disagreement with your partner - what was it about and how was it resolved?

Can you identify any patterns in the way in which you manage stresses?

What three things do you like and dislike about your partner?

What do you look forward to most as a parent?

In what circumstances could you see yourself allowing a child to win an argument?

and the absolute corker:

Why do you want to have children?

One Year

2007-05-27T18:37:00.000+10:00

I just finished that last post when I realised that today celebrates 1 year since starting this blog!
I must have a thing for May, because my other blog (a LiveJournal not about anything specific, just general life stuff and nothingness) will reach it's 6th year anniversary on Tuesday. A good reminder for myself at how fast time really does go.

50 Questions

2007-05-27T17:28:00.000+10:00

I was gathering our stuff together to drop off at the Dept last week ('the Dept' is our state government's Department of Child Safety: Intercountry Adoption Unit) and going through the checklist to make sure we had everything, when I realised that we hadn't finished our 50 questions. One of the requirements at this stage is to answer fifty questions that the Dept has set about our chosen country.

You would think we'd have finished this by now, afterall, we got the questions in December. I've googled heaps and found some awesome websites... which often take me off on a tangent and then after an hour I've only found half an answer to one of the questions. I've also asked Evangeline, a Chinese friend, some of the more difficult ones, which was great. Many times I've intended to take them to our Chinese teacher to ask, but always forgot. Anyway, despite our efforts, we still have more unanswered than answered ones right now!

I think it's because some of them are so random that it's not as easy as looking it up. Here are some examples: 'If you were invited to a party, who would you expect to find among the guests?', 'What kinds of television programs are shown? What social purpose do they serve?', 'If, as a customer, you touch or handle merchandise for sale, will the shopkeeper think you are knowledgeable, inconsiderate, within your rights, completely outside your rights, or other?'

I worked on them this afternoon for a while, then we worked on them together a bit, but I kept getting annoyed and quickly bored. Not bored with learning about Chinese culture - heck, I have a mild obsession with that - but bored with frustration at trying to find out things like 'how long a hairdressing appointment should be made for' in China. Aaron said, "if you're gonna whinge, just let me do it". So he is.

Adoption buddies

2007-05-16T19:44:00.000+10:00

One of the special things about the adoption process is the new friendships and relationships that can be made.

We recently had the pleaure of meeting Leisa and her hubby Brad, at an IAFQ waiting parents dinner. Leisa and I have been reading each other's blogs for a while, and she is even more lovely in person. I'm excited to follow her family's journey adopting from Ethiopia, as they become an 'Aussieopian Family'.

We also spent some time on the weekend hanging out at Scott and Sandie's place. These guys are cool. Funnily enough, we first met online and then ended up being invited to the same Education session with the Dept last December... when we got there, we discovered we lived only a few streets apart.

I believe in the importance of connecting with others and walking this path together, so I'm glad to get to know these girls!

Halting new dossiers

2007-05-13T06:46:00.000+10:00

The latest unsubstantiated rumour (that would be rumor to my American friends) is that China may be considering stopping accepting new files for perhaps 3 years (yup, I read it at RQ). This wouldn't affect anyone who is already logged in and allocations would continue as normal for those people. The response so far seems to be that people think this is a great idea and necessary to allow a catch-up. I might think that if we were already logged in, too.

We are paperchasing and trying to meet all of our local requirements as well as the CCAA's requirements. The only thing slowing us down is my age - I turn 30 in eight months time (January 2008). We've been waiting eagerly since our early 20s to turn 30 so we could adopt from China. Aaron's 32 this year, so no probs now with his age.

If the CCAA stopped accepting new dossiers before I turn 30, that may change our plans a little in terms of birth order of our future children. Then there's always that fear that if we did have a bio child first, could the CCAA introduce a rule that only childless couples could adopt?

In the meantime we'll just keep plodding away at the process. Aaron finished his family profile a few weeks ago (wahoo!), so we're ready to submit our next huge lot of paperwork. We're grateful that our state government has allowed us to do all the preparations and have our file ready to go as soon as I hit 30, rather than having to turn 30 first and then begin the paperchase.

If anything did happen with halting new dossiers, then that's out of our hands. At this stage it's a rumour only (and the rumour being that the CCAA may be considering it, not that they will do it), but certainly one that we'll be following with interest!

The Name Game - Part Two

2007-04-14T22:55:00.000+10:00

Naming a baby can be a complex craft. Naming a child who has been adopted from another culture can be even more complex.

The topic of naming adopted children is raised every few months on various discussion boards, with many schools of thought around this... particularly with regard to China adoptions, where abandoned babies are often named by the orphanage director.

Some people believe that the name is the only thing a child brings with them from their birth culture, so it must be preserved.

Some believe that because the name is given by the orphanage director, often as a required task and not as an act of love or genuine consideration, that it does not hold great meaning or significance, so it shouldn't be kept.

Some believe the child should be given a new Chinese name, picked by the adoptive parents.

Some believe that if a child looks Asian, their name should reflect that.

Some believe that their child is beginning a new life, so they should have a new name.

Some believe that their child is now [insert nationality] and therefore should have a name that reflects that nationality (eg. American, Australian).

Some say that with the identity issues an adopted child goes through, they usually want to fit in with their peers, who have 'regular' names.

Some say that it depends on the age of the child at the time of adoption and whether or not they know their name yet.

It seems (not based on any statistical research, just my own observations) that most children adopted from China are given their first name by the adoptive parents and keep part of their Chinese name as their middle name. Some suggest that this gives the child the option for which name they may choose to use later in life.

There are worthy arguments and reasons for all the above thoughts. I don't think there are any easy answers. I don't even know yet what I believe most or what we will choose to do when it comes to naming our baby. It's an area I'm trying to learn more about.

There's an extremely thought provoking post over at Twice the Rice called Naming, Renaming and Reclaiming. She talks about growing up as a Korean adoptee in America with a name that is obviously not Asian. I'd like to read more from adult adoptees about this topic, reflecting on their own thoughts and experiences. Sure got me pondering...

Chinese Super Ball for Kids!

2007-04-06T22:03:00.000+10:00

I found this video on YouTube. It was filmed at Green Lake in Kunming, China. We walked to this lake plenty of times because it was close to where we lived - but I never saw these! I wanna have a go!!

Celebrity influence?

2007-04-03T06:47:00.000+10:00

The Sydney Daily Herald has an article suggesting that it may be Angelina Jolie's influence that more Australians are adopting from overseas. I wonder how shallow they think adoptive parents are. "Wow, celebrities are doing it, let's do it too! Yeah!"

Speaking of Angelina, looks like she's lining up for adoption number 4 - a baby girl from Chad. Woah!

The Name Game

2007-03-31T21:57:00.000+10:00

My friend at work is about to go on maternity leave; she'll be giving birth to her first child in the coming weeks. She's not letting anyone in on the name game, which is quite funny because I remember saying to her about a year ago that I didn't understand the concept of withholding baby names.

I know that if you tell people the names you're thinking of in the lead-up to the birth (or in our case, referral/adoption) that they'll likely tell you straight out what they think, but if you just surprise everyone after the birth they generally wont tell you if they don't like it. Not sure why, maybe people think that they can save a baby from a sucky name before they are born, but afterwards it's just too late. Maybe parents have a fear of being offended if they tell a name and get a not-so-pleasant response. Maybe they just want to keep it personal, because it's so exciting and special. Anyway, I truly do respect the right of parents to not tell before the birth/referral, even if I don't fully understand it.

We are waaayy off a referral, as we're still paper chasing and checking boxes for the next ten months or so before our file can even go to China to begin the wait, so we haven't seriously discussed names... however cruising baby name sites is a bit of a hobby for me. I've spent plenty of time over at the Baby Name Wizard checking the popularity of names throughout history. I recently came across a discussion forum called Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing, which is a bunch of name purists strongly opposed to any 'tryndee' names that 'mummeighs' give kids. Heh.

Anyway, at the abovementioned forum I came across a link to this post about what not to name your child, from a fellow Aussie blogger called redcap. She cruises the birth announcements in newspapers for what she considers inappropriate names. Anyway, I did think twice about whether to share this link, as some people could be offended if their chosen baby name is pooh-poohed, but hopefully you're all big enough to handle it and can appreciate her wit. I like a couple of the names she deems inapproriate, but for the most part it should be compulsory reading for all expectant parents. I'm sure my teacher friends would have a few to add to the list!

Cities

2007-03-27T21:27:00.000+10:00

I've been away for work for a few days in Melbourne. It is such a beautiful city, I'm totally in love with it. Of course, I checked out Chinatown. I had dinner at a place called Post Mao Cafe. The master chef is 93 years old and used to cook for Chairman Mao. Hrm. Not sure how true that claim is, or why he'd still be working at 93, but I'm pleased to report that there were no false teeth or stray grey hairs in my meal.

At the airport before I left, I bought a book to read on the plane about an Aussie journalist who spent a year in Beijing. Wow, that's another city that blows my mind and I look forward to going someday. It's too late now, but I would like to have visited it before all the preparations for the Olympic Games began. The only city we have experienced in China is Kunming (Yunnan province) - and it's considered to be 'out in the countryside' by most Chinese, so I'm pretty sure life there is drastically different to Beijing.

What about you? What city do you love - and why? What city would you really like to visit?

the rainbow family

2007-03-15T22:33:00.000+10:00

Congratulations Angelina Jolie on your precious new son! I hope the world leaves you alone for a while so he can get to know his new family.

All in this together

2007-03-15T17:42:00.000+10:00

Generally speaking, there are three kinds of adoptive parents: those who cannot have biological children, for whatever reason; those who already have biological children; and singles who aren't waiting around for a partner to become a parent.

None of these is better or worse than the other. There is no heirarchy of eligibility, and none of these are more 'deserving' of children than the other. We all arrive at adoption from different pathways. How we get here is important, but also kind of irrelevant. We all need to support each other, regardless of the reasons for arriving at adoption.

Having said that, it is also important to connect with others that have journeyed a similar pathway. There's something special about the 'understanding' that can only come through shared experience. You can say, "I know how you're feeling / I know what you're going through", because you really do.

The value of this connection has been heightened for me this week, after reading multiple email posts to our local support group discussion list. There's a stronger link and greater empathy when you have walked a similar path to someone.

This is where we feel out of place. We don't have that connection with others like us. Is there anyone out there? A couple who don't know if you can have bio kids cos you've never tried to become pregnant? The truth is, people don't understand us. They simply can't. It is so beyond the realm of what is normal for so many people we come across. This is clear whenever someone finds out we're hoping to adopt. "oh, can't you have kids?" "don't know, we're choosing to adopt" *blank stare* *blank stare back*

We cherish relationships with all adoptive and prospective adoptive families and know that in the end the pathway is just a detail, yet we would still love to connect with others like us. Anyone?

China Photos

2007-03-11T19:04:00.001+10:00

Like lots of bloggers, I use Bloglines. As well as subscribing to the blogs I like to read, i also subscribe to any photos uploaded to Flickr that have been tagged 'China'. There are so many beautiful photos to look at each day. Today I came across a set of 93 photos called 'CHINA in Red and Black' by kurtvansteelant. Just lovely, check it out!

Dreams

2007-02-23T18:44:00.000+10:00

Aaron had a dream on Wednesday night that a little Chinese boy was standing next to our bed trying to wake him up.

I wish I would have a sweet dream about a Chinese bubba. (Instead the last dream I can remember having consisted of my mother phoning me at work to tell me, through huge sobs, that Britney Spears had committed suicide. It was bizarre. When I woke up I thought, 'why was she crying?, 'why would she call me at work to tell me that?' 'why is she even interested in Britney?' Bah!)

In other news, I got the book I left on the plane back! What were the chances!